So Cold

Title So Cold
Rating PG-13

Serenity was a lot quieter these days, the laughter was mostly gone – it had left with Inara. Simon had never quite realized how much her presence lifted the mood of the entire crew. Even Mal. Especially Mal. Now it seemed the man was intent on making everyone as uncomfortable as possible, driving everyone away.

"What is there to say that I won't turn around and see you flying away? I mean, correct me if I'm wrong here, but didn't you do that once before?"
"Those were special circumstances, ‘sides – we came back for you, as I recall."
Simon couldn't stop the derisive laugh, "Ah yes, you never did tell me, was that because your conscience was bothering you or did you think maybe there was a chance you could cash in on a reward further down the line? You know, if things ever got really bad?" He knew he was being childish here, but his position onboard had always been precarious and now Mal was asking him to leave the ship? Albeit for a brief trip planetside to pick up some much-needed medical supplies, but the truth was Simon was in no way sure it wasn't a ruse on Mal's part to get rid of him.

"Could've sworn I told you this once before. Doctor." The emphasis Mal put on his title made Simon wince inwardly, "You're on my crew."
"And that makes a difference how? Please! You don't care about this crew – all you really care about is sticking it to the Feds and right now keeping River and me on board is a convenient way of doing that. If we weren't here you'd just find some other way of playing pirate. You wouldn't shed a tear if we were caught or killed. You wouldn't care if any one of us was – so long as Serenity keeps flying. Face it. Captain. You're a cold-hearted bastard."

Simon knew the punch was coming before it landed. He rolled with the blow, unable to stop the analytical side of himself from cataloging the possible injuries – nothing too serious he didn't think, in fact chances were good Mal had done more damage to his hand than he had to Simon's face. Didn't stop it hurting like hell though.

Clutching his jaw and gently manipulating it from side to side to ensure nothing was broken, he stood and looked up into the captain's usually impassive face. He was shocked to see the glimmer of... something in Mal's eyes. Was that pain?

Mal seemed not to see Simon any longer, instead he was focused on some point behind the doctor's head and Simon didn't have to turn around to know the captain's gaze was resting on the empty shuttle.

Swallowing his anger he lowered his voice and spoke softly. "Go after her."

For a moment he thought Mal would take his suggestion and prove he actually had feelings and emotions, but then a wall came crashing down in his eyes.
"She made her bed, there's plenty folks lining up to lie in it." With that Mal turned on his heel and stomped away towards the bridge.

Simon watched him go and sighed. What had happened to Malcolm Reynolds to turn him into this cold parody of a human being? It had looked as though Simon was getting through to him, that maybe he would be able to get an understanding of the man's unique sense of morality, his motivations. The barriers Mal had in place were too firmly entrenched though, too long-standing, and any hope of making a connection froze in the man's chilly attitude.

"So cold." The soft voice behind him startled him and he turned to find River staring in the direction Mal had gone. Simon was more than a little taken aback to hear his thoughts articulated like that. He smiled, She was starting to express herself better these days, it was easier to understand what she was saying now – maybe the current mix of medications she was on was working. If that was the case then he could concentrate on the rest of the crew, instead of just patching them up he could try to build a rapport. Really become one of them. Connect – maybe even make himself invaluable to them, if not to the captain. He watched River frown to herself and study her hands intently. "Two hundred and seventy-three point one-five. Needs to be three-ten point one-five."

Simon sighed again, pushing all thought of reaching Mal to the back of his mind he took River's hands in his own and led her gently to the infirmary.