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If my wings should fail me...

Title If my wings should fail me...
Author Shona aka Mara
Rating 15
Disclaimer Kripke's. Not mine.
Notes/Warnings Dark fic. Possibly the start of a series, but we'll see. Immediately post In My Time of Dying (SPN 2.01)
Summary Dean's angry, and that scares him a little, but not as much as the things he sees when he sleeps...

He's angry, and his anger scares him just a little. Angry that things turned out this way; angry that his father would do something like this. Angry that everything he's ever valued, everything he's ever cared about, has been torn away. Angry that every time he looks at Sam all he sees is what might happen.

Dean hasn't slept more than a couple of hours a night since the hospital. Sammy says he understands, that some scientist somewhere on some website says it's normal for people who've recently come out of comas to 'fear' sleep – it's too close to the other thing after all. But Dean knows that's not the real reason.

Every time he closes his eyes he hears his father's voice and sees his brother… Sometimes he sees Sam doing things… hurting people, killing people. Becoming everything they've ever known was evil in the world.

But in the pit of the night Dean knows that even these aren't the worst things he sees. The worst is when he sees Sam dead. Sees his own hand on the gun, his own finger tensing on the trigger.

In his dreams he's killed his brother a thousand times. He can't live that. So he doesn't dream.

If he doesn't sleep, he can't dream. It's a simple solution, some might say it's a child's answer, but right now it's the only answer Dean has.

all these moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.